Garrison Keillor Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Garrison Keillor quotes, Garrison Keillor sayings, and Garrison Keillor proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.

Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor

When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.     

Garrison Keillor

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.

Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Garrison Keillor

The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.     

Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.

Garrison Keillor

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.     

Garrison Keillor

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

Garrison Keillor

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Garrison Keillor

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.     

Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.

Garrison Keillor

Never insult a writer. You may find yourself immortalized in ways you may not appreciate.     

Garrison Keillor

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Garrison Keillor

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