W. C. Fields Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old w. c. fields quotes, w. c. fields sayings, and w. c. fields proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.     

W. C. Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.     

W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.     

W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.     

W. C. Fields

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get fout of it alive.     

W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.     

W. C. Fields

Anything worth having is a thing worth cheating for.     

W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.     

W. C. Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float down stream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.     

W. C. Fields

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.     

W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.     

W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no one likes to have to keep one.     

W. C. Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.     

W. C. Fields

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.     

W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.     

W. C. Fields

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.     

W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.     

W. C. Fields

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.     

W. C. Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.     

W. C. Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do, she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.     

W. C. Fields

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his buttons.     

W. C. Fields

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.     

W. C. Fields

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.     

W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.     

W. C. Fields

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.     

W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.     

W. C. Fields

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.     

W. C. Fields

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.     

W. C. Fields