Fart Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old fart quotes, fart sayings, and fart proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


At a certain point, you have to face the fact that you've turned into an old fart.     

Robert Gottlieb

Verbal contracts are about as useful as a fart on a treadmill.     

Robert Rinder

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.     

Martin Luther

Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.     

James P. Hogan

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.      

Robin Williams

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is. Come let us fart in the home. There is no art in a fart. Still a fart may not be artless. Let us fart and artless fart in the home.     

Ernest Hemingway

What is like a smelly fart, that, although invisible is obvious? One's own faults, that are precisely as obvious as the effort made to hide them.     

7th Dalai Lama

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.     

Jonathan Tropper

Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in.      

Martin Firrell

Farts come from no one and nowhere; they are anonymous emanations that belong to the group as a whole, and even when every person in the room can point to the culprit, the only sane course of action is denial.      

Paul Auster

Most people enjoy the sight of their own handwriting as they enjoy the smell of their own farts.      

W.H. Auden

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind     

Scott Lynch

Love is the fart of every heart: It pains a man when 'tis kept close, And others doth offend, when 'tis let loose.     

Sir John Suckling

A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this.     

Robert Bly

Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don't mind hearing my own, but I don't want to hear anyone else's.     

Buster Guru

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.     

Kurt Vonnegut

Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind.     

Mario Puzo

Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.     

Dana Gould

I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet, under a cow pat.     

Djuna Barnes

I always thought that farts were funny, and I always thought that they were mine to talk about because they came out of my body.     

Jenny Slate

Don't be ashamed if you fart while urinating, there is no rain without thunder.     

Matthew Wineman

He that lives upon hope will die farting.     

Benjamin Franklin

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrashed to death.     

Michael Bassey