Funny Car Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny car quotes, funny car sayings, and funny car proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus. Francoise Sagan
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. Prince Philip
Relationships, like cars, should undergo regular services to make sure they are still roadworthy. Zygmunt Bauman
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' Rita Rudner
Always focus on the front windshield and not the review mirror. Colin Powell
The car has become an article of dress without which we feel uncertain, unclad, and incomplete in the urban compound. Marshall McLuhan
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. Doug Larson
It is amazing how may drivers, even at the Formula One Level, think that the brakes are for slowing the car down. Mario Andretti
The car has become the carapace, the protective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man. Marshall McLuhan
More books, more racing and more foolishness with cars and motorcycles are in the works. Brock Yates
Never have more children than you have car windows. Erma Bombeck
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy
We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. Jeremy Clarkson
A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. Tim Allen
We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit. David Suzuki
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Earl Wilson
A car can massage organs which no masseur can reach. It is the one remedy for the disorders of the great sympathetic nervous system. Jean Cocteau
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. Dudley Moore
Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers. Colin Mcrae
In the old days drivers were fat and tires were skinny. Jose Froilan Gonzalez
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. Tim Allen
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? Steven Wright
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. Ben Berger
Bicycling is a big part of the future. It has to be. There's something wrong with a society that drives a car to work out in a gym. Bill Nye
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car. Craig Benzine
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car. E. B. White
With each replacement of parts, a car slowly becomes Chinese. Mr. Kuniyasu
Take care of your car in the garage, and the car will take care of you on the road. Amit Kalantri
Environmentalists have a very conflicted relationship with their cars. Tom Arnold
To get to know a country, you must have direct contact with the earth. It's futile to gaze at the world through a car window. Albert Einstein
A car for every purse and purpose. Alfred P. Sloan
Not having to own a car has made me realize what a waste of time the automobile is. Diane Johnson
Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. Evan Davis
Don't get your fuel from the same place your car does Michael Pollan
It is amazing how may drivers, even at the Formula One Level, think that the brakes are for slowing the car down. Alan Jones
The cars we drive say a lot about us. Alexandra Paul
When you are fitted in a racing car and you race to win, second or third place is not enough. Ayrton Senna
It's a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go. Bertrand Russell
Flying cars are not a very efficient way to move things from one point to another. Bill Gates
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. Bill Vaughan
Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running. Bill Watterson
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. Budd Schulberg
The racing driver needs to be fed a diet of other racing drivers. Carroll Smith
The winner ain't the one with the fastest car; it's the one who refuses to lose. Dale Earnhardt
There’s a lot of stress, but once you get in the car, all that goes out the window. Dan Brown
The longest journey begins with a single step, not with a turn of the ignition key. Edward Abbey
What’s behind you doesn’t matter. Enzo Ferrari
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck
A muscle is like a car. If you want it to run well early in the morning, you have to warm it up. Florence Griffith Joyner
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
You can have any color you like as long as it's black. Henry Ford
Faster, Faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death. Hunter Thompson
Take it easy driving, the life you save may be mine. James Dean
Stealing a man's wife, that's nothing, but stealing his car, that's larceny. James M. Cain
We aren’t addicted to oil, but our cars are. James Woolsey
Why worry about death, it’ll come sooner or later. Jim Dunn
People don’t take trips…Trips take people. John Steinbeck
he way I drive, the way I handle a car, is an expression of my inner feelings. Lewis Hamilton
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. Mitch Hedberg
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. Murray Walker
If you’re in control, you’re not going fast enough. Parnelli Jones
If one day the speed kills me. Do not cry, because I was smiling. Paul Walker
Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform. Ray Romano
My wife wants sex in the back of the car, and she wants me to drive. Rodney Dangerfield
If the car feels like it is on rails, you are probably driving too slow. Ross Bentley
When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. Russell Baker
A dream without ambition is like a car without gas—you're not going anywhere. Sean Hampton
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Steven Wright
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. Steven Wright
If you don't look back at your car after you park it, you own the wrong car. Truth
Hug your kids at home, but belt them in the car. unknown
Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer. unknown