Funny Family Sayings and Funny Family Quotes

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Les Dawson

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Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back. Earl Wilson

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A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. Ogden Nash

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The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions. Robert Brault

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Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off. Ralph Bus

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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. W.C. Fields

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I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom. Bob Hope

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The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. Erma Bombeck

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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett

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The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson

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Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee. David Frost

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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. Jerry Seinfeld

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. George Carlin

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One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family. Jonathan Safran Foer

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From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge. Jarod Kintz

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Family is just accident...They don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are. Marsha Norman

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I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on. Ugo Betti

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If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that members not present and subjects discussed were one and the same. Robert Brault

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Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says. Marcelina Hardy

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In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat. Anna Quidlen

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In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent. Robert Brault

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Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. Evan Esar

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I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house. Anthony Anderson

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If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw

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The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness. Nancy Mitford

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In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry. Margaret Laurence

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If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion. Ashleigh Brilliant

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. Friedrich Nietzsche

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Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. Wayne H.

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For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. Jeff Foxworthy

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Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. Douglas Adams

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Never let an angry sister comb your hair. Patricia McCann

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I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast? Jeff Lindsay

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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. Rodney Dangerfield

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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck

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Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex's new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate's ex and any new mate that your new mate's ex has acquired. Delia Ephron

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Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with the closet space. Evan Esar

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I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house. Anthony Anderson

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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett

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Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. Ralph Bus

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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them. Erma Bombeck

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Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster, too. Lionel Kauffman

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The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions. Robert Breault

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The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson

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Funny Family Sayings and Quotes