Funny Friend Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny friend quotes, funny friend sayings, and funny friend proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.     

Oscar Wilde

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.     

Linda Grayson

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.     

George Carlin

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.     

Bernard Meltzer

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.     

Ethel Mumford

Good friends don't let you do stupid things…alone.     


An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.     

Jim Hayes

He's the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you.     

Adam Christing

Having friends you like who are like you is a form of narcissism.     

Laurence J. Peters

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.      


When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'     

Groucho Marx

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.     

Jane Austen

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.     

Joe Lewis

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.     

Silican proverb

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.     

George Ade

Between friends, differences in taste or opinion are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality.     

W.H. Auden

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.     

Mason Cooley

It is the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected.     

Charles Lamb

It is not enough to succeed, a friend must fail.     

La Rochefoucauld

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.     

Samuel Hall Lord