Funny Friendship Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny friendship quotes, funny friendship sayings, and funny friendship proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain

You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.     

Laurence J. Peter

Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried.

Charles Caleb Colton

One sure way to lose another woman’s friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements.     

Marcelene Cox

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Bernard Meltzer

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.     

Margaret Walker

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money

Benjamin Franklin

You can't make a circle of friends with a compass.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.

Jim Hayes

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.     

Linda Grayson

A good friend is a connection to life â€" a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.

Lois Wyse

You don’t lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you’re better for it     

Mandy Hale

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’

Groucho Marx

Men kick friendship around like a football and it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it falls to pieces.

Anne Lindbergh

Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected

Charles Lamb

Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long.     

Robert Staughton Lynd

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.

Aaron Machado

When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier

Diane Von Furstenberg

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street     

Virginia Woolf

I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.     

Ann Richards

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.

Silican proverb

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.     

Friedrich Nietzsche

I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.

Guy Endore-Kaiser

Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.

Greg Tamblyn

Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or homely faces.     

Austin O'Malley

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia

Dame Edna Everage

A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.

Elbert Hubbard

Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!

Bronwyn Polson