Funny Gay Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny gay quotes, funny gay sayings, and funny gay proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.     

Demetri Martin

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

Roseanne Barr

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

Elayne Boosler

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.     

Bill Hicks

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to go straight.

Will Ferrell

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns, than holding hands?     

Ernest Gaines

My cousins gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

Rodney Dangerfield

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.     

Woody Allen

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.     

Emo Philips

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.     

Robin Williams

The sodomy laws have been overturned, so now we can overturn each other.     

Craig Kilborn

They say you can't tell guys are gay just by looking. But if two guys are kissing, you can figure at least one of them is gay.

Bill Braudis

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.

Daniel Tosh

My high school had a Head Start program for homosexuals, it was called Drama Club.     

Bob Smith

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

Rodney Dangerfield

The heterosexuals who hate us should just stop having us.     

Lynda Montgomery

As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.

Anita Bryant

When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.     

Leonard Matlovich