Funny Gay Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny gay quotes, funny gay sayings, and funny gay proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. Roseanne Barr
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen
My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor. Elayne Boosler
Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns, than holding hands? Ernest Gaines
My cousins gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. Rodney Dangerfield
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him. Emo Philips
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. Robin Williams
The sodomy laws have been overturned, so now we can overturn each other. Craig Kilborn
They say you can't tell guys are gay just by looking. But if two guys are kissing, you can figure at least one of them is gay. Bill Braudis
My high school had a Head Start program for homosexuals, it was called Drama Club. Bob Smith
The heterosexuals who hate us should just stop having us. Lynda Montgomery
When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. Leonard Matlovich
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay. Demetri Martin
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it. Bill Hicks
Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to go straight. Will Ferrell
I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house. Daniel Tosh
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. Rodney Dangerfield
The only queer people are those who don't love anybody. Rita Mae Brown
The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them. Rachel Maddow
Self pity becomes your oxygen. But you learned to breathe it without a gasp. So, nobody even notices you're hurting. Paul Monette
Sweet mother, I cannot weave – slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl. Sappho
Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather boa! Allen Ginsberg
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--you know, to send the right message to kids. Bill Maher
I think God is a callous bitch not making me a lesbian. I'm deeply disappointed by my sexual interest in men. Diamanda Galás
My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. W Somerset Maugham
It angered him that his sexuality was an issue at all. As far as he was concerned, who he decided to sleep with was his business alone. Christina Westover
The tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible. Anderson Cooper
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. Daphne Fielding
Rejecting your gay or transgender child won't make them straight. It will only mean you will lose them. Christina Engela
I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You're not scared. You're an asshole. Morgan Freeman
It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain. Francis Maude
Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it's a good place to start. Jason Collins
When all Americans are treated as equal, no matter who they are or whom they love, we are all more free. President Barack Obama
If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: 'Hello. Can't work today, still queer.' Robin Tyler
This world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another. Ellen Page
We should indeed keep calm in the face of difference, and live our lives in a state of inclusion and wonder at the diversity of humanity. George Takei
It takes some intelligence and insight to figure out you're gay and then a tremendous amount of balls to live it and live it proudly. Jason Bateman
Being gay is natural. Hating gay is a lifestyle choice. John Fugelsang
I think being gay is a blessing, and it's something I am thankful for every single day. Anderson Cooper
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein
The poetry you read has been written for you, each of you - black, white, Hispanic, man, woman, gay, straight. Maya Angelou
The beauty of standing up for your rights is others see you standing and stand up as well. Cassandra Duffy
What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains. Tennessee Williams
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. Boethius
Everybody’s journey is individual. You you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality. James Baldwin
I was not ladylike, nor was I manly. I was something else altogether. There were so many different ways to be beautiful. Michael Cunningham
But I'm not a saint yet. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. I'm homosexual. I'm a genius. Of course, I could be all four of these dubious things and still be a saint. Truman Capote
It isn't possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal. E.M. Forster
From a religious point of view, if God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people. Howard Dean
You don´t have to be gay to be a supporter - you just have to be a human. Daniel Radcliffe