David Sedaris Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old David Sedaris quotes, David Sedaris sayings, and David Sedaris proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.'

If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. David Sedaris
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. David Sedaris
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings David Sedaris
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings. David Sedaris
A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at. David Sedaris
Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game. David Sedaris
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever. David Sedaris
Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it. David Sedaris
Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is sure to follow. The guests will repeat themselves one too many times, or you'll run out of dope or liquor and realize that it was all you ever had in common. David Sedaris
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg? David Sedaris
Life might be difficult for a while, but I would tough it out because living in a foreign country is one of those things that everyone should try at least once. My understanding was that it completed a person, sanding down the rough provincial edges and transforming you into a citizen of the world. David Sedaris
Weird doors open. People fall into things. David Sedaris
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever. David Sedaris
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever. David Sedaris
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. David Sedaris
But I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment. David Sedaris