Evan Esar Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old evan esar quotes, evan esar sayings, and evan esar proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.     

Evan Esar

Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.     

Evan Esar

A vacation is like love: anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.     

Evan Esar

Consistency is a jewel, but too much jewelry is vulgar.     

Evan Esar

The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.     

Evan Esar

The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.     

Evan Esar

With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.     

Evan Esar

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.     

Evan Esar

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.     

Evan Esar

Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.     

Evan Esar

Age brings wisdom to some men, and to others chess.     

Evan Esar

A laugh a day keeps the psychiatrist away.     

Evan Esar

We do not stop laughing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop laughing.     

Evan Esar

The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.     

Evan Esar

You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.     

Evan Esar

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.     

Evan Esar

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.     

Evan Esar

The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.     

Evan Esar

Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings.     

Evan Esar

An obsession is an idea which you must get out of your mind if you are not to go out of your mind.     

Evan Esar

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in this world that just don't add up.     

Evan Esar

The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.     

Evan Esar

Communism is a form of government under which every citizen at election time enjoys the privilege of voting yes.     

Evan Esar

Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.     

Evan Esar

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.     

Evan Esar

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.     

Evan Esar

Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.     

Evan Esar

Success comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration, and inspiration!     

Evan Esar

The diamond is the hardest stone -- to get.     

Evan Esar

In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.     

Evan Esar