Fred Allen Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old fred allen quotes, fred allen sayings, and fred allen proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.     

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.     

Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.     

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.     

Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.     

Fred Allen

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.     

Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion     

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.     

Fred Allen

The world is a grindstone and life is your nose.     

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange.     

Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.     

Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.     

Fred Allen

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.     

Fred Allen

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.     

Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.     

Fred Allen

Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.     

Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.     

Fred Allen

Television is the triumph of machine over people.     

Fred Allen

A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.     

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.     

Fred Allen

A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.     

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.     

Fred Allen

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.     

Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.     

Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.     

Fred Allen

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.     

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.     

Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.     

Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.      

Fred Allen

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.     

Fred Allen