George Burns Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old george burns quotes, george burns sayings, and george burns proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.     

George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old..     

George Burns

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.     

George Burns

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.     

George Burns

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.     

George Burns

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!     

George Burns

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.     

George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.     

George Burns

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.     

George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.     

George Burns

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.     

George Burns

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.     

George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.     

George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.     

George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.     

George Burns

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.     

George Burns

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.     

George Burns

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.     

George Burns

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.     

George Burns

Don't stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.     

George Burns

Be quick to learn and wise to know.     

George Burns

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.     

George Burns

A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman..or a bad woman. Depending on how much happiness you can stand.     

George Burns

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.     

George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.     

George Burns

Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.     

George Burns

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.     

George Burns

I was introduced to a beautiful young lady as a man in his nineties. Early nineties, I insisted.     

George Burns

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.     

George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.     

George Burns