Jay Leno Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old jay leno quotes, jay leno sayings, and jay leno proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


Ambition beats genius 99% of the time      

Jay Leno

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.     

Jay Leno

A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.     

Jay Leno

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?     

Jay Leno

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.     

Jay Leno

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.     

Jay Leno

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.     

Jay Leno

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.     

Jay Leno

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.     

Jay Leno

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.     

Jay Leno

Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck's price.     

Jay Leno

A Christmas tree, the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.     

Jay Leno

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.     

Jay Leno

If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough.     

Jay Leno

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.     

Jay Leno

Today is Valentine's Day--or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!     

Jay Leno

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?     

Jay Leno

The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous.     

Jay Leno

When they said "Make love, not war" at Woodstock, they never imagined that one would become as dangerous as the other.     

Jay Leno

My wife loves Europe, but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.      

Jay Leno

British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight heart disease, why don't you come up with a food people will actually eat? Like a super glazed doughnut.     

Jay Leno

Kentucky Fried Chicken.. KFC... Keep Fooling Customers.     

Jay Leno

Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.     

Jay Leno