Jimmy Fallon Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old jimmy fallon quotes, jimmy fallon sayings, and jimmy fallon proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.     

Jimmy Fallon

I like being absurd. Being silly.     

Jimmy Fallon

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.     

Jimmy Fallon

A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying that smells good to be helping.     

Jimmy Fallon

Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.     

Jimmy Fallon

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.     

Jimmy Fallon

A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.     

Jimmy Fallon

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.     

Jimmy Fallon

This is interesting. Researchers have found that people who drive drunk are more dangerous on the road than drivers who are high on marijuana. Don't get too excited. It's mostly because the drivers using marijuana are just sitting in the Taco Bell drive-through.     

Jimmy Fallon

NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be driven by aliens.     

Jimmy Fallon

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.     

Jimmy Fallon

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.     

Jimmy Fallon

Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you.      

Jimmy Fallon

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.     

Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'     

Jimmy Fallon

Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.     

Jimmy Fallon