Mark Twain Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old mark twain quotes, mark twain sayings, and mark twain proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.     

Mark Twain

It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.     

Mark Twain

No one can tell me what is a good cigar for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.     

Mark Twain

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.     

Mark Twain

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restriction as regards smoking.     

Mark Twain

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.     

Mark Twain

To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.     

Mark Twain

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.     

Mark Twain

Arguments have no chance against petrified training; they wear it as little as the waves wear a cliff.     

Mark Twain

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that my art is not above the ordinary.     

Mark Twain

Dance like nobody's looking.     

Mark Twain

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.     

Mark Twain

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.     

Mark Twain

Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.     

Mark Twain

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.     

Mark Twain

An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.     

Mark Twain

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does all the work.     

Mark Twain

God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.     

Mark Twain

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.     

Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.     

Mark Twain

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.     

Mark Twain

The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.     

Mark Twain

In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.     

Mark Twain

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.     

Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.     

Mark Twain

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.     

Mark Twain

An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.     

Mark Twain

The finest clothing made is a person's skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this..     

Mark Twain

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.     

Mark Twain

A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building to it to make it stand.     

Mark Twain