Mark Twain Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old mark twain quotes, mark twain sayings, and mark twain proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.     

Mark Twain

Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.     

Mark Twain

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.     

Mark Twain

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.     

Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.     

Mark Twain

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.     

Mark Twain

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.     

Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.     

Mark Twain

The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.     

Mark Twain

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.     

Mark Twain

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.     

Mark Twain

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.     

Mark Twain

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.     

Mark Twain

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.     

Mark Twain

Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.     

Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did.     

Mark Twain

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.     

Mark Twain

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others.     

Mark Twain

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly. love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that makes you smile.     

Mark Twain

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.     

Mark Twain

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.     

Mark Twain

Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.     

Mark Twain

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.     

Mark Twain

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.     

Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.     

Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.     

Mark Twain

The face of the river, in time, became a wonderful book. . .which told us mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it had uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, fir it had a new story to tell every day.     

Mark Twain

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad but whiskey!     

Mark Twain

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.     

Mark Twain

Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.     

Mark Twain