Milton Berle Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old milton berle quotes, milton berle sayings, and milton berle proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

Laughter is an instant vacation.     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.     

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.     

Milton Berle

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law a battery-operated mouth.     

Milton Berle

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.     

Milton Berle

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.     

Milton Berle

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.     

Milton Berle

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.     

Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.     

Milton Berle

Marriage is a three-ring circus. First the engagement ring, the the wedding ring, then the suffering.     

Milton Berle

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.      

Milton Berle

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.     

Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day--you declare a truce.     

Milton Berle

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.     

Milton Berle

Los Angeles is the home of the three little white lies: 'The Ferrari is paid for,' 'The mortgage is assumable,' and 'It's just a cold sore!     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.      

Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.     

Milton Berle

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.     

Milton Berle