Rita Rudner Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old rita rudner quotes, rita rudner sayings, and rita rudner proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.     

Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"     

Rita Rudner

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.     

Rita Rudner

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.     

Rita Rudner

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.     

Rita Rudner

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.     

Rita Rudner

Good weather all the week, but come the weekend the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot they complain, too cold they complain, and when it's just right, they're watching TV.     

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.     

Rita Rudner

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.     

Rita Rudner

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?     

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.     

Rita Rudner

I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.     

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.     

Rita Rudner

Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.     

Rita Rudner

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.     

Rita Rudner

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.     

Rita Rudner

I rationalize shopping. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.     

Rita Rudner

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.     

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.     

Rita Rudner

I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother.     

Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?     

Rita Rudner

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.     

Rita Rudner