Robert Benchley Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old robert benchley quotes, robert benchley sayings, and robert benchley proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.     

Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.     

Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.     

Robert Benchley

Death ends a life, not a relationship.     

Robert Benchley

Death ends a life, not a relationship.     

Robert Benchley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous.     

Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment.     

Robert Benchley

Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.     

Robert Benchley

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.     

Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.     

Robert Benchley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.     

Robert Benchley

The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliver and sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.     

Robert Benchley

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.     

Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.     

Robert Benchley

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.     

Robert Benchley

One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.     

Robert Benchley