Funny Birthday Sayings and Quotes

Looking to tickle the right funny bone with birthday wishes for your favorite person? You’ve come to the right place. We’ve compiled a collection of humorous and funny birthday quotes and sayings guaranteed to make them smile. Check out the list below.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.     

John Glenn

Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.     

Mark Twain

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.     

Rev. Larry Lorenzoni

My Birthday! What a difference sound That word had in my youthful ears; And how each time the day comes round, Less and less white its mark appears.     

Thomas Moore

As you get older, three things happen.The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.     

Norman Wisdom

Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don't have to chase it.     

Greg Tamblyn

You're getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.     

Felix Severn

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.     

Golda Meir

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.     

Theodore Roosevelt

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.     

Bette Midler

The Best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.     

H. V. Prochnow

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.     

Billie Burke

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.     

Jack Benny

Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.     

Anthony Powell

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.     

Tom Wilson

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.     

Phyllis Diller

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday, but never remembers her age.     

Robert Frost

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.     

Blair Sabol

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.     


You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.     

Bob Hope

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.     

Robert Orben

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.     


When I was little I thought, isn't it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it's July 4th.     

Gloria Stuart

At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.     

John M Eades

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.     

Jerry M. Wright

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.'     

Steven Wright

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.     

George Burns

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.     

Kitty Collins

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.     

Bernard Baruch