Funny Break Up Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny break up quotes, funny break up sayings, and funny break up proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.     

Jerry Seinfeld

My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.     

Azgraybebly Joslan

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.     

Steve Martin

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.     

Mary Kay Blakeley

Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.     

Rita Mae Brown

If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.     

Frank Ocean

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.     

Zsa Zsa Gabor

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.     

Wendy Liebman

In our family we don't divorce our men -- we bury them.     

Ruth Gordon

I'm so miserable without you, it's almost as if you're here!     

Billy Ray Cyrus

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.     

Margaret Atwood