Funny Cat Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny cat quotes, funny cat sayings, and funny cat proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

When a cat speaks, it's because it has something to say, unlike humans who are the great refuse containers of speech.     

V.L. Allineare

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: Take me to the canaries.     

Bob Monkhouse

Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, "I'll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?     

Bette Midler

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.     

Paula Poundstone

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.     

Mary Bly

All cats love fish but fear to wet their paws.     

Chinese Proverb

The trouble with sharing one's bed with cats is that they'd rather sleep on you than beside you.     

Pam Brown

Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place     

Paul Gray

Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won't attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling.     

Helen Powers

The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don't buy love for nothing. Like all pure creatures, cats are practical.     

William S. Burroughs

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.     

Leo Dworken

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.     

Alfred North Whitehead

The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life.     

Carl V. Vechten

Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other.     

Stephen Baker

Even overweight, cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses.     

John Weitz

Any cat who misses a mouse pretends it was aiming for the dead leaf.     

Charlotte Gray

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.     

Jerome K. Jerome

Cats never strike a pose that isn't photogenic.     

Lillian Jackson Braun

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.     

Abraham Lincoln

After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.     

Charlotte Gray

The cat is, above all things, a dramatist.     

Margaret Benson

The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal…it's also the reason they hate birds.     

KC Buffington

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.     

Mark Twain

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.     

Terry Pratchett

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.     

Terry Pratchett

There is something about the presence of a cat... that seems to take the bite out of being alone.     

Louis J. Camuti

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them.     

Robin Williams

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old.     

Carl Van Vechten

A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to.     

Louis J. Camuti

If cats could talk, they wouldn't.     

Nan Porter