Funny Celebrity Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny celebrity quotes, funny celebrity sayings, and funny celebrity proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.     

Helen Hayes

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.     

Carl Sandburg

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.     

Conan O'Brien

Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.     

Will Smith

If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.     

Marilyn Monroe

To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit.     

Enoch Powell

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.     

Ellen DeGeneres

Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one.     

Benjamin Franklin

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.     

Oscar Wilde

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.     

Lou Erickso

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.     

Lucille Ball

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.     

Woody Allen

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.     

Tara Reid

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window. Or break down a door.     

Brooke Shields

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.     

Will Ferrell

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.     

Bill Cosby

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!     

Coco Chanel

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.     

Will Ferrell

I like women, I don't understand them, but I like them.     

Sean Connery

You are the CEO of your life. Some people need to be hired and some need to be fired.     

Robert Downey Jr.

Keep seeing the glass half-full and it will dawn upon you that it's probably your turn to buy.     

Bill Murray

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.     

George Carlin

Never follow someone else's path; unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that.     

Ellen DeGeneres

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.      

Thomas A. Edison

Too much money ain't enough money.     

Lil Wayne

You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to.     

Louis C.K.

The secret to a happy marriage? Do whatever your wife tells you. ‘Yes, dear.' And breathe.     

Denzel Washingto

The crime of loving is forgetting.     

Maurice Chevalier

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.     

Ellen DeGeneres

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.     

Arnold Schwarzenegger