Funny Dog Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny dog quotes, funny dog sayings, and funny dog proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.     

Steve Bluestone

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.     


If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.     

Will Rogers

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog     

Franklin P. Jones

How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff. How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf. How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?     


What does a dog do on his day off? He can't lie around – that's his job     

George Carlin

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.     

Mark Twain

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.     

Groucho Marx

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, “Woof!” The other replies, “Moo!” The dog is perplexed. “Moo? Why did you say ‘Moo'?” The other dog says, “I'm trying to learn a foreign language.     

Morey Amsterdam