Funny Drinking Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny drinking quotes, funny drinking sayings, and funny drinking proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.     

William Faulkner

Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.     

G.K. Chesterton

One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.     

James Thurber

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.     

Ernest Hemingway

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.     

F. Scott Fitzgerald

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.     

Benjamin Franklin

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.     

William Butler Yeats

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.     

Humphrey Bogart

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, That's as good as they're going to feel all day.     

Frank Sinatra

I try to convince myself that it's the alcohol talking. But alcohol can't talk. It just sits there. It can't even get itself out of the bottle.     

David Levithan

This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.     

Samuel Johnson

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.     

Louis Pasteur

There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.     

Raymond Chandler

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn't afterward.     

Frank Lloyd Wright

One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.     

Edward Burke

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.     

Herman Smith-Johannsen

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.     

Joan Collins

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.     

Kaiser Wilhelm

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.     

Bette Davis

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.     

Tom Waits

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.     

Henny Youngman

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.     

William Temple

Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.     

Jonathan Swift

I drink to make other people more interesting.     

Ernest Hemingway

There are more old drunkards than old physicians.     

Bernard Shaw

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.     

W.C. Fields

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.     

Ernest Hemingway

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.     

Frank Sinatra

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.     

F. Scott Fitzgerald

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.     

Charlie Chaplin