Funny Engagement Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny engagement quotes, funny engagement sayings, and funny engagement proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Marriage is a three-ring circus. First the engagement ring, the the wedding ring, then the suffering.     

Milton Berle

Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.     

Paul Hornung

The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I'll do the dishes.'     


Marriage is a workshop… where husband works and wife shops.     


Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it's because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.     

Janet Periat

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.     

W. C. Fields

The secret of a happy marriage remains… a secret.     

Henny Youngman

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.     


The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.     

Peter De Vries

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.     

Elbert Hubbard

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.     


Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.     

Erma Bombeck

Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable.     

Forget Paris

They say marriages are made in heaven, but so is thunder and lightning.     

Clint Eastwood

A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.     


Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.     

Pacifist Ray

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.     


Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!     


A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.     

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child.     

Robert Brault

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.     


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.     

Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.     

Genevieve Nnaji

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.     

Mickey Rooney

All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.     

Raymond Hull

Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.     

Zig Ziglar

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.     

Jean Kerr

Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.     


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.     

Groucho Marx

The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.     

H.L Mencken