Funny Family Sayings and Quotes

All families have their quirks. No one gets you like your family. They’ve had the privilege of bearing witness to all of your life’s embarrassing moments. Revel in the uniqueness of your clan with this collection of humorous and funny family quotes.


Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts.     

Les Dawson

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.     

Earl Wilson

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.     

Ogden Nash

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.     

Robert Brault

Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.     

Ralph Bus

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.     

W.C. Fields

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.     

Bob Hope

The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.     

Erma Bombeck

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.     

Buddy Hackett

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.     

Sam Levenson

Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.     

David Frost

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.     

Jerry Seinfeld

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.     

George Carlin

One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.     

Jonathan Safran Foer

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.     

Jarod Kintz

Family is just accident...They don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are.     

Marsha Norman

I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.     

Ugo Betti

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that members not present and subjects discussed were one and the same.     

Robert Brault

Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.     

Marcelina Hardy

In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.     

Anna Quidlen

In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.     

Robert Brault

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.     

Evan Esar

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.     

Anthony Anderson

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.     

George Bernard Shaw

The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness.     

Nancy Mitford

In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.     

Margaret Laurence

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.     

Ashleigh Brilliant

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.     

George Burns

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.     

Friedrich Nietzsche

Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.     

Wayne H.