All families have their quirks. No one gets you like your family. They’ve had the privilege of bearing witness to all of your life’s embarrassing moments. Revel in the uniqueness of your clan with this collection of humorous and funny family quotes.
Families are like fudge - mostly sweet, with a few nuts.Les Dawson
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Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.Earl Wilson
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A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.Ogden Nash
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The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.Robert Brault
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Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.Ralph Bus
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.W.C. Fields
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I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.Bob Hope
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The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.Erma Bombeck
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.Buddy Hackett
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The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.Sam Levenson
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Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.David Frost
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Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.Jerry Seinfeld
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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.George Carlin
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One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.Jonathan Safran Foer
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From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.Jarod Kintz
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Family is just accident...They don't mean to get on your nerves. They don't even mean to be your family, they just are.Marsha Norman
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I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.Ugo Betti
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If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that members not present and subjects discussed were one and the same.Robert Brault
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Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.Marcelina Hardy
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In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.Anna Quidlen
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In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.Robert Brault
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Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.Evan Esar
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I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.Anthony Anderson
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If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.George Bernard Shaw
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The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life's essential unfairness.Nancy Mitford
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In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.Margaret Laurence
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If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.Ashleigh Brilliant
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.George Burns
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.Friedrich Nietzsche
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Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.Wayne H.
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For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.Jeff Foxworthy
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Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.Douglas Adams
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Never let an angry sister comb your hair.Patricia McCann
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I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?Jeff Lindsay
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.Rodney Dangerfield
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.Erma Bombeck
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Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex's new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate's ex and any new mate that your new mate's ex has acquired.Delia Ephron
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Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with the closet space. Evan Esar
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I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.Anthony Anderson
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.Buddy Hackett
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Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.Ralph Bus
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them. Erma Bombeck
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Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster, too. Lionel Kauffman
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The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.Robert Breault
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The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.Sam Levenson