Funny Friend Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny friend quotes, funny friend sayings, and funny friend proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.     

Randy K. Milholland

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.     

Samuel Butler

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.     

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I have three kinds of friends: those who love me, those who pay no attention to me, and those who detest me.     

Sébastien-Roch Nicolas

If you have good friends, no matter how much life is sucking, they can make you laugh.     

P.C. Cast

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.     

Doug Larson

Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.     

Randy K. Milholland

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.     

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best time to make friends is before you need them.     

Ethel Barrymore

In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.     

John Churton Collins

Nothing makes you happier than your friend's failure.     

unknown

Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.     

unknown

We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up, after I finish laughing.     

unknown

Being friendless taught me how to be a friend. Funny how that works.     

Colleen Wainwright

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.     

unknown

Friends buy you a lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.     

unknown

Friends were like clothes: fine while they lasted but eventually they wore thin or you grew out of them.     

David Nicholls

Nothing more cheerful than talking about our friend's shortcomings.     

Mason Cooley

Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.     

unknown

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.     

Mark Twain

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.     

Erma Bombeck

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.     

David Tyson

If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends.     

Anonymous

A true friend stabs you in the front.     

Oscar Wilde

Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.     

unknown

Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.     

Publilius Syrus

A friend is like a good bra: hard to find, comfortable, supportive, always lifts you up, makes you look better, never lets you down or leaves you hanging, and always close to your heart.     

unknown

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.     

Groucho Marx

A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.     

Abraham Lincoln

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.     

Lord Chesterfield

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.     

Oscar Wilde

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.     

Linda Grayson

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.     

George Carlin

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.     

Bernard Meltzer

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.     

Ethel Mumford

Good friends don't let you do stupid things…alone.     

unknown

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.     

Jim Hayes

He's the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you.     

Adam Christing

Having friends you like who are like you is a form of narcissism.     

Laurence J. Peters

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.      

Plutarch

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'     

Groucho Marx

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.     

Jane Austen

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.     

Joe Lewis

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.     

Silican proverb

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.     

George Ade

Between friends, differences in taste or opinion are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality.     

W.H. Auden

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.     

Mason Cooley

It is the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected.     

Charles Lamb

It is not enough to succeed, a friend must fail.     

La Rochefoucauld

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.     

Samuel Hall Lord