Funny Golf Sayings and Quotes

There’s a lot to laugh about golf. From the outfits to the fact that it is ridiculously expensive, it’s easy to poke fun at the sport. Check out our collection of humorous and funny golf quotes below.


I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.     

Don Adams

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.     

Dave Barry

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.     

Ted Ray

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.     

James Murray

I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.     

Gerald Ford

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.     

Henny Youngman

Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.     

Dave Hill

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.     

P.G. Wodehouse

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.     

Billy Graham

Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf.     

Brent Musberger

Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease.     

Gerald Ford

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.     

David Brenner

Most people play a fair game of golf, If you watch them.     

Joey Adams

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.     

Jim Bishop

The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.     

Mickey Mantle

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.     

Jack Lemmon

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.     

H G Wells

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.     

Jeff Foxworthy

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.     

Paul Gallico

Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six, and write down five.     

Paul Harvey

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.     

Gardner Dickinson

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.     

Mark Twain

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.     

Jim Murray

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.     

Tommy Bolt

Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself.     

Joe Torre

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.     

Jack Benny

The reason they call it 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.     

Leslie Nielsen

Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course... the space between your ears.     

Bobby Jones

Over the years, I've studied the habits of golfers. I know what to look for. Watch their eyes. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Big pupils lead to big scores.     

Sam Snead

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.     

Harry Vardon