Funny Graduation Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny graduation quotes, funny graduation sayings, and funny graduation proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car. But if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.     

Theodore Roosevelt

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.     

Robert Orben

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.      

Gary Bolding

The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.     

Russell Baker

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.     

Robert M. Hutchins

Graduation: a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.     


Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.     

Garry Trudeau

When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.     


If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.     

Robert Goheen

There is a good reason they call these ceremonies 'commencement exercises'. Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning.     

Orrin Hatch

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.     

Erma Bombeck

At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it's a good idea to also wear something underneath it.     

Greg Tamblyn

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.     

John Green

If at first you don't succeed, try to hide your astonishment.     

Harry Banks

Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someonelse's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.     

Ellen DeGeneres

The tassel's worth the hassle!     


So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you're on the right track.     

Ed Helms

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.     

Dr. Seuss

It doesn't matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.     

Jerry Zucker

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.     

Frank A. Clark

Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books ARE judged by their cover!     

Patricia Akins

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.     

Bette Reese

All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.      


Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.     

Will Rogers

The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after.     

Newton D. Baker

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.     

Sarah Brown