Funny Kitchen Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny kitchen quotes, funny kitchen sayings, and funny kitchen proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

It does not matter how expensive your kitchen is if you are a bad cook.     


The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude.     

Julia Child

My next house will have not kitchen… just vending machines.     


I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.     

W.C. Fields

Thousands of people have eaten in my kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.     


Always start out with a larger pot than what you think you need.     

Julia Child

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.     

Nora Ephron

I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.     

Katherine Cebrian

A kitchen knife cannot carve its own handle.     

Korean Proverb

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.     

Phyllis Diller

I hate when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients.     


Why yes, I've discovered the joy of cooking. It's when my husband does it.     


Cooking is about passion, so it may look slightly temperamental in a way that it's too assertive to the naked eye.     

Gordon Ramsay

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.     

Julia Child

If you want breakfast in bed….sleep in the kitchen!     


I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.     

Jarod Kintz

The worst mistake of a woman is to go to the kitchen, because then she never gets out of there.     


I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.     


A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.     

Kin Hubbard

Their kitchen is their shrine, the cook their priest, the table their altar, and their belly their god.     

Charles Buck

One day..I'm gonna make the onions cry      


The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.     

Calvin Trillin

Cooking requires confident guesswork and improvisation experimentation and substitution, dealing with failure and uncertainty in a creative way     

Paul Theroux

God blesses this kitchen but He doesn't clean it….!!     


I cook to inspire my husband to pay attention to me.     

Sonia Rumzi

Before Julia Child there was only onion dip.     

Susan Branch

When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.     

Russell Baker

A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.     


Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.     

Harriet Van Horne