Funny Love Sayings and Quotes

It’s easy to get sentimental about love. It triggers so many passionate emotions. But love can also be funny and awkward. Below you’ll find a collection of humorous and funny love quotes.

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford
Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there. George Burns
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. Fran Lebowitz
A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. Tim Allen
Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. Carroll Bryant
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? Jean Illsley Clarke
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener Pauline Thomason
Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. Helen Gurley Brown
I had a dream that i still loved you...I think I woke up screaming. Christine
It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. Lucille Ball
I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you. Anonymous
If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji - no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back. Chelsea Peretti
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. Steven Wright
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. Thomas Dewar
I love you more than coffee, but please don't make me prove it. Elizabeth Evans
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. Charles M. Schulz
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. Fulton J. Sheen
If you love 'em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love 'em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you're in love. Miles Davis
You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale. Hussein Nishah
In any perfect relationship men should remember it's a matter of direction; she takes what's right and you take what's left. Solitaire Parke
Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. Bree Luckey
My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. Jewish Proverb
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. Judith Viorst
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. Cathy Carlyle
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Erich Segal
If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. Katherine Mansfield
In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. Rowland
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. Richard Jeni
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house. Anonymous
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? Lilly Tomlin
Love thy neighbor, just watch out for the husband Anonymous
Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance. Anonymous
Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. Jessica Martin
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears Les Dawson
People should fall in love with their eyes closed. Andy Warhol
My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays. unknown
If she happens to fall, I'll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. J.A. Redmerski
The four most important words in any marriage...I'll do the dishes. Anonymous
My last love is just like that thong peter griffin borrowed from me... Never getting it back. Refinnej Sin
Love is like finding a needle in a hay stack! FaithHopeNLove
We're like Romeo & Juliet.. Except for the dying part of course. Justina
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Anonymous
The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. Mark W. Boyer
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen
Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce
Love conquers all things--expect poverty and toothache. Mae West
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. Georg C. Lichtenberg
Love is a kind of military service. Ovid
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. Amy Bloom
Oh, how absurd and delicious it is in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it--no life can be complete without it. Barbara Pym
If it is your time, love will track you down life a cruse missile. Lynda Barry
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Oscar Wilde
Being in love with yourself means never having to say you're got a headache. Ellie Laine
A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. Tim Allen
I've been in love with the same woman for 41 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! Henny Youngman
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. Groucho Marx
I love mankind... It's people I can't stand. Linus Van Pelt
I never loved another person the way I loved myself. Mae West
But love is not fashionable any more, the poets have killed it. They wrote so much about it that nobody believed them. Oscar Wilde
The world's tragedy is that men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters. Joanna Trollope
My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. Mia Farrow
Love is an exploding cigar that you willingly smoke. Lynda Barry
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. H. L. Mencken
If you never want to see a man again, just tell him 'I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children.' They leave skid marks. Rita Rudner
Every love's the love before in a duller dress. Dorothy Parker
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin--it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. S. J. Perelman
There's only one kind of love that lasts--unrequited love. It stays with you forever. Woody Allen
Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you. Dolly Parton
Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love; it is the faithless who know love's tragedies. Oscar Wilde
Love was only the dirty trick nature played on us to achieve continuation of the species. W. Somerset Maugham
I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. John Travolta
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. John Barrymore
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else. George Bernard Shaw
Love is like quicksilver in the hand...Leave the fingers open and it stays in the palm. Clutch it, and it darts away. Dorothy Parker
There is always something ridiculous about the passions of people whom one has ceased to love. Oscar Wilde
Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. Miguel de Unamuno
Many man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by lit. Maurice Chevalier
Love. Of course, love. Flames for a year, ashes for 30. Giuseppi di Lampedusa
Love is not merely blind but mentally afflicted. Alice Thomas Ellis
Men always want to be a woman's first love...what (women) like is to be a man's last romance. Oscar Wilde
My wife and I thought we were in love--but it turned out to be benign. Woody Allen
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. Henry Fielding
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. George Bernard Shaw
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves my. William Shakespeare
Love is the history of a woman's life; it is but an episode in a man's. Madame De Stael
Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it. Anthony Trolloper
When one is in love one begins by deceiving one's self. And one ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. Oscar Wilde
Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. Ben Hecht
The best love affairs are those we never had. Norman Lindsay
Love for me is like a pretzel. Twisted and salty. Emmy Gay
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. H. L. Mencken
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. Woodrow Wyatt
The fickleness of the women I love is only equaled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. George Bernard Shaw
Love us the triumph of imagination over intelligence. H. L. Mencken
Nothing takes the taste out peanut butter quite life unrequited love. Charlie Brown
They say love's like the measles--all the worse when it comes late in life. Douglas William Jerrold
How alike are the groans of love to those of the dying. Malcolm Lowry
When love is not madness, it is not love. Pedro Calderon de la Barca
A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. Zsa Zsa Gabor
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Bill Clinton
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Barack Obama