Funny Marriage Sayings and Quotes

Marriage takes lots of work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find the humor in it. Like any relationship dynamic, marriage has its quirks. Get a good laugh with the collection of funny marriage quotes below.

Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.     

Rory Elder

Marriage is getting to have a sleep over with your best friend, every single night of the week.     

Christie Cook

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.     

Ogden Nash

Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.     

Riaz Nassurally

All my friends are getting married. I guess I'm just at that age where people give up.     

Amy Schumer

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!     


Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.     

Erma Bombeck

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.     

Rita Rudner

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.     

James Holt McGavran

My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn't have done better and I couldn't have done worse!     


Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.     

Mae West

The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.     

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.     

Joey Adams

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.     

Minnie Pearl

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.     

Clint Eastwood

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.     

Rita Rudner

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.     

George Bernard Shaw

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.     

Henry Youngman

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?     

Groucho Marx