Funny Retirement Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny retirement quotes, funny retirement sayings, and funny retirement proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.     

Gene Perret

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.     

Abe Lemons

Happiness is being retired and spending all of my kids' inheritance before I die!     


Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it.     

Bernard M. Baruch

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.     

Malcolm Forbes

Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.     

Charles Baxter

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.     

Richard Armour

Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.     

Catherine Pulsifer

When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.     

Virginia Graham

While some people can't wait until their retirement, others feel cheated that they have to retire at all.     

Catherine Pulsifer

Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire.     

Margaret Mead

In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.     

Terri Guillemets

To retire is to begin to die.     

Pablo Casals

For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.     

John Sharp

Sometimes it's hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment.     

Terri Guillemets

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.     

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.     

Ernest Hemingway

Your best retirement plan for retiring happy and prosperous - don't be a burden on others.     

Ernie J Zelinski

I'm now as free as the breeze — with roughly the same income.     

Gene Perret

If you are going to go broke before retirement, retire first.     

Dave Erhard

Like life, retirement can be full of surprises. Take when you retire, for example.     

Talbot Boggs