Funny Sports Sayings and Quotes

Sports are all about grit, adrenaline, and competition. But just because you work hard and sweat hard, doesn’t mean you can’t find humor in sports. Who doesn’t enjoy a funny sports blooper reel? Below you’ll find a collection of humorous and funny sports quotes.


I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.      

Gerald R. Ford

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.     

Phyllis Diller

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.     

Gordie Howe

The first half was even, the second half was even worse.     

Pat Spillane

Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.      

Thomas Sowell

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very un-orderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.     

Bill Veeck

Wrestling is ballet with violence.     

Jesse Ventura

Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake.      

Sylvester Stallone

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.     

George Brett

Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.     

Henry Blaha

I've never lost a game I just ran out of time.     

Michael Jordan

If you make every game a life-and-death thing, you're going to have problems. You'll be dead a lot.      

Dean Smith

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.     

Leo Durocher

I don't have any tricky plays, I'd rather have tricky players.     

Abe Lemons

You win some, lose some, and wreck some.     

Dale Earnhardt

I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.     

Eric Morecambe

The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.     

Phil Woosnam

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.     

Frank Gifford

Serious sport is war minus the shooting.     

George Orwell

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.     

Erma Bombeck

The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it's the opposition.     

Nick Seitz

One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good.     

Abe Lemmons

If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?     

Derek P.

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.     

Jack Lemmon

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.     

Jack Handey

The only way to prove that you're a good sport is to lose.     

Ernie Banks

I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles.     

Sam Snead

It's a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square.     

Pete Rose

The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game.     

Bill Shankly

The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.     

Randy Cross