Funny Weight Loss Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old funny weight loss quotes, funny weight loss sayings, and funny weight loss proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.     


You know what the secret to weight loss is? Don't eat much.     

Simon Cowell

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.     

Mary Tyler Moore

Successful weight loss takes programming, not willpower.     

Phil Mcgraw

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.     

Charles M. Schulz

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.     


Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.     

Dan Bennett

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you are off it.     

Jackie Gleason

At the end of every diet, the path curves back to the trough.     

Mason Cooley

Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts.     

Betsy Canas Garmon

Here's the secret to weight loss: It's all about crowding out, not cutting out.     

Kathy Freston

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad.     

Janette Barber

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.     

Jane Wagner

Drinking three glasses of water before every meal will help you lose weight, because you will burn a lot of calories running to the bathroom.     


My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.     

Orson Welles

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like, just don't swallow it.     

Harry Secombe

I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs, but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.     

Caroline Rhea

A diet is a plan, generally hopeless, for reducing your weight, which tests your will power but does little for your waistline.     

Herbert B. Prochnow

The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass.     

Margaret Cho

A diet is just code for a time when you eat food you dislike and still feel hungry.     


The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books, how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.     

Andy Rooney

If you believe that weight loss requires self-deprivation, I'm going to teach you otherwise.     

Robert Atkins

I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.     

Jennifer Greene Duncan

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.     

Dolly Parton

The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.     

Peggy Ryan

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.     

Mae West

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.     

Franklin Jones

No one wakes up in the morning and says, I want to gain 150 pounds and I will start right now!     

Tricia Cunningham

Weight loss is not the key to your dreams. The truth is there is no lock and the door is flimsy.     

Golda Poretsky

It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren't so handy in the refrigerator.     

Hugh Allen