Funny Work Sayings and Quotes

The office isn’t typically considered a place for fun, but it’s hard not to find humor in a place we spend so much of our time. Take a load off with the collection of humorous and funny work quotes below.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.     

Groucho Marx

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?     

Edgar Bergen

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.     

Vilhjalmur Stefansson

My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job.     

Ted Turner

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.     

Dennis Miller

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.      

Dave Barry

I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.     

Bill Gates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.     

Erma Bombeck

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.     

Drew Carey

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.     

Jerome K. Jerome

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.     

Harry S. Truman

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose?     

Don Marquis

Doing nothing is very hard to never know when you're finished.     

Leslie Nielsen

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.     

Oscar Wilde

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.     

Charles Lamb

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.     

Fats Domino

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.     

Les Dawson

Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.     

Ray Kroc

In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing.     

William Wordsworth

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.     

Sarah Brown

If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.     

Malcolm S. Forbes

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment.     

Robert Benchley

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.     

Homer Simpson

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.     

Robert Frost

When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression.     

Jesse Jackson

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.     

Fred Allen

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.     

George Burns

The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone.     

Martin Buxbaum