Husbands Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old husbands quotes, husbands sayings, and husbands proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

A good husband makes a good wife.     

John Florio

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.     


The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.     

Shirley MacLaine

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.     

Groucho Marx

To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.     

Simone De Beauvoir

Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.     


A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.     

Honoré de Balzac

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.     

Helen Rowland

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.     

Ogden Nash

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes.     

Oscar Wilde

Being a husband is a whole-time job. That is why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it.     

Arnold Bennett

The divine right of husbands, like the divine right of kings, may, it is hoped, in this enlightened age, be contested without danger.     

Mary Wollstonecraft

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.     

Jerry Seinfeld

One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.     

Benjamin Franklin

A husband is very much like a house or a horse.     

Anthony Trollope

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.     

Honoré de Balzac

Being a husband is for me as big a priority as being a father.     

Roger Federer

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say.     

Alfred Hitchcock

The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.     

Henry Louis Mencken

Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.     

Marilyn Monroe

If your husband is cheating on you, it doesn't mean that you need to get prettier -- it means he's a scumbag.     

Jessica Valenti

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.     

Ogden Nash

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.     

Ella Harris

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.     

Phyllis Diller

Husbands, love your wives well! Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your sons how they should treat women, and you are teaching your daughters what they should expect from men.     

Dave Willis

A key to keeping your husband is getting him to miss you. That keeps a marriage fresh.     

Tori Amos

The husband - by primitive instinct partly, certainly by ancient tradition - regards himself as the active partner in matters of love and his own pleasure as legitimately the prime motive for activity.     

Havelock Ellis

It turns out that a husband who does the laundry, it's very romantic when you're older. And it's hard to believe when you're younger. But it's absolutely true.     

Sheryl Sandberg

The activity of being a husband, a father - those are roles, too, but underneath them is the spiritual center that connects us all, and that's what's most important.     

Hugh Jackman

Handsome husbands often make a wife's heart ache.     

Samuel Richardson

Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could.     

Abigail Adams

The faults of husbands are often caused by the excess virtues of their wives.     

Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives.     

Thomas Dekker

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.     

Finley Peter Dunne

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.     

Elinor Glyn

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.     

H. L. Mencken

Husband is like toupe, both used to cover up.     

Charlie Chan

Italian husbands, in order to buy their wives a fur, spend more than all their European collegues.     

Indro Montanelli

Husbands shouldn't be the last to know. Husbands should never know!     

Nelson Rodrigues

There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.     

Adela Rogers St. Johns

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.     

Mary Lorraine Buckley

There are few husbands whom the wife cannot win in the long run, by patience and love.     

Marguerite de Valois

I think there's something degrading about having a husband for a rival. It's humiliating if you fail and commonplace if you succeed.     

Christopher Hampton

A husband without faults is a dangerous observer.     

George Savile

A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.     

Lou Costello

Watching your husband become a father is really sexy and wonderful.     

Cindy Crawford

The average husband enjoys the total effect of his home but is usually unable to contribute any of the details of work and organisation that make it enjoyable.     

Havelock Ellis

A jealous husband doesn't doubt his wife, but himself.     

Honoré de Balzac

I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.     

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

An easy-going husband is the one indispensable comfort of life.