Toilet Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old toilet quotes, toilet sayings, and toilet proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


The flush toilet, more than any single invention, has 'civilized' us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish.     

Thomas Lynch

Every time you step into your toilet you should appreciate how your body is expelling toxins and waste. You should feel refreshed and grateful.     

Shoukei Matsumoto

Just like the rest of the home, the toilet is the place to be considerate of others as well as yourself.     

Shoukei Matsumoto

When the sh–t hits the fan, you really have to ask yourself why you weren't sitting on the toilet.     

Anthony T.Hincks

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.     

George Carlin

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.     

Alan King

There comes a time in every man's life when he needs his own toilet.     

Patrick Süskind

Life before toilet paper was not worth living.     

Sherrilyn Kenyon

The world is divided up into two kinds of people - those who look at their body waste in the toilet bowl, and those who don't.     

John Gregory Dunne

The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.     

Orson Scott Card

Public toilets have a duty to be accessible, poetry does not.     

Geoffrey Hill

There's no place like home. And there's no toilet like your own.     

Taylor York

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.     

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Sooner or later, all magazines end up in the toilet.     

Maurizio Cattelan

In many parts of the world, more people have access to a mobile device than to a toilet or running water...     

Nancy Gibbs

You learn a lot about people when you're sitting on their bathroom floor or on their toilet seat, rifling through their stuff.     

Emily Weiss