Groucho Marx Sayings and Quotes

Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old Groucho Marx quotes, Groucho Marx sayings, and Groucho Marx proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.


No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Groucho Marx

All geniuses die young.

Groucho Marx

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party

Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.     

Groucho Marx

Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

Groucho Marx

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Groucho Marx

You’re a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn’t even have the decency to have.

Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.     

Groucho Marx

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Groucho Marx

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast

Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.     

Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Groucho Marx

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Groucho Marx

You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces.

Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.     

Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.     

Groucho Marx



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