Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Ambrose Bierce quotes, Ambrose Bierce sayings, and Ambrose Bierce proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.Ambrose Bierce
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BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.Ambrose Bierce
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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.Ambrose Bierce
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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.Ambrose Bierce
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.Ambrose Bierce
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The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind.Ambrose Bierce
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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.Ambrose Bierce
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San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen.Ambrose Bierce
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A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.Ambrose Bierce
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ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.Ambrose Bierce
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ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.Ambrose Bierce
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A penny saved is a penny to squander.Ambrose Bierce
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MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.Ambrose Bierce
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ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. Ambrose Bierce
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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.Ambrose Bierce
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.Ambrose Bierce
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Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.Ambrose Bierce
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Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.Ambrose Bierce
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Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.Ambrose Bierce
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.Ambrose Bierce
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.Ambrose Bierce
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Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.Ambrose Bierce
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Responsibility: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.Ambrose Bierce
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FOREFINGER, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.Ambrose Bierce
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The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.Ambrose Bierce
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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.Ambrose Bierce
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SAFETY-CLUTCH, n. A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator, or cage, in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus.Ambrose Bierce
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Epitaph, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.Ambrose Bierce
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Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.Ambrose Bierce
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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.Ambrose Bierce