Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous
old Rodney Dangerfield quotes, Rodney Dangerfield sayings, and Rodney Dangerfield proverbs, collected over the years from a variety
of sources.'
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.Rodney Dangerfield
2
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.Rodney Dangerfield
0
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.Rodney Dangerfield
0
My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.Rodney Dangerfield
0
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.Rodney Dangerfield
0
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly tooRodney Dangerfield
1
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.Rodney Dangerfield
0
My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met.Rodney Dangerfield
0
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.Rodney Dangerfield
0
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.Rodney Dangerfield
0
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.Rodney Dangerfield
1
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.Rodney Dangerfield
0
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.Rodney Dangerfield
2
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.Rodney Dangerfield
2
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.Rodney Dangerfield
0
I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.Rodney Dangerfield
0
My cousins gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.Rodney Dangerfield
9
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.Rodney Dangerfield
5
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, wait til it gets warmer.Rodney Dangerfield
1
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.Rodney Dangerfield
0
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.Rodney Dangerfield
0
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!Rodney Dangerfield
1
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.Rodney Dangerfield
0
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.Rodney Dangerfield
1
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Rodney Dangerfield
0
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.Rodney Dangerfield
0
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield
0
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'Rodney Dangerfield
0
My wife wants sex in the back of the car, and she wants me to drive.Rodney Dangerfield
1
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.Rodney Dangerfield